Looking through the scope, I scan the surrounding buildings hoping to catch my quarry through the crosshairs. Painstakingly, I search each balcony and window, willing the vile creature to appear before me. Its shrill voice pierces my ears, worms its way through to the deepest recesses of my brain. I go to sleep at night with its maniacal yammering ringing in my ears. Arrrgh! Today my neighbour’s dog MUST DIE!!!
I have spent the last two years here in Fuzhou planning the death of my neighbour’s dog. Actually, I have been planning both their demise. Yes, I have decided the owner of the offending mutt must die as well. They are the creators of this diabolical dog and they cannot be allowed to create more after I have dispatched this one.
I have mulled over becoming the world’s deadliest sniper. I will spend my days positioned on a windy rooftop, scanning the surrounding buildings with my deadly scope for my irritating quarry. A solitary figure, invisible to all around them, patiently waiting for the delicious time when I have them both in my sights and I slowly squeeze the trigger.
No wait, I’m hanging precariously from a single rope, slowly crawling down the side of the building like spiderman. I will silently and lethally descend until I locate the lair of the foul beast and it’s unsuspecting master. Invisible and unheard, I will hang over the balcony and with a single, well aimed puff, I will send a deadly dart to poison (rather painfully, too) my arch-nemeses.
Perhaps, I can become a falconer and train a raptor to swoop down at fantastic speed to grab the little fluff ball in it’s unforgiving talons and then fly off to a high rooftop to deliver the life ending, throat ripping bite of its hooked beak. In the meantime, another of my feathered assassins has flown in and has cleverly harassed and scared the canine’s owner over the balcony. Their feint cry of fear and dispair suddenly cut off as they go splat on the pavement below.
This being Fuzhou, I’m sure I can put out a hit on the dastardly duo. There are plenty of triads here to choose from. I’ll get a thug to go in and hack them both up with a meat axe!
The possibilities are endless. Every morning, as I attempt to drink my coffee in relative peace and yapping, yelping quiet, I dream about the day I wake up to no dog barking, just the blaring car horns, jackhammers and morning ‘conversations’ of the locals.